Both engage in magical type thinking, where the belief is that they can fill themselves up and heal the void within by something or someone outside of themselves. We are taught to be strong, never reveal weakness, and above all never rely on others. Never open up to anyone, never rely on anyone, and never get hurt.Or perhaps you lost your healthy balance by being in a relationship with a dysfunctional person.You can be codependent in all your relationships or just one.Some describe codependency as an addiction to another person. I couldn't stop buying people overpriced candles, yet I had not paid my rent.But this belief has led to one of the most isolated and disconnected cultures to ever walk the planet.We feel weak when we express emotion and feel ridiculous for wanting and needing others in our lives.
I could enter a party and within five minutes be in an all-consuming conversation with a thrice-divorced narcissist managing various addictions. Let's just say I've purchased more than one custom gift with a boyfriend's favorite NFL team's logo on it from Etsy. In recovery, I learned that the difference between codependence and being nice is motives.
It's only recently that I've learned to coach myself through this self-abuse: "Whit, you'll survive even if some random stranger thinks this sucks." That coaching of my inner monologue is a daily course correction I do because I have a "disease" called codependence. When my therapist first suggested that I was codependent, I was confounded because I wasn't dating anyone.
Did he know I was giving people numbers of doctors and therapists I myself wasn't going to? In romantic relationships, I was drawn to real fixer-uppers. I even found myself in sexual situations I had no interest in.
Continue reading “The best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times – although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. Continue reading Therapy has helped get me to where I am today, or most importantly where I was on Saturday and Sunday – playing in the sea with my partner, just a short drive from our new coastal home, thinking I absolutely …
The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind … I’m processing a lot of feelings, digging deep, unearthing stuff that’s buried far down.
For these reasons, neither spends the appropriate amount of time getting to know each other.